Eternal Sunshine
by vez
Summary: The Ever After for the Sanzo ikkou after the Journey to the West, three years later. 38 implied


**Eternal Sunshine**

"_The world forgotten, by the world forgot." -- Alexander Pope_

They weren't the easiest people to get along with. To be fair, the term "get along" was one thing, to have a deep meaningful relationship was a completely different matter. One was antisocial, the other was entirely _too_ social. The third required inhuman amounts of energy to merely keep up with.The only one with the energy and patience to deal with the third was simply just that. Inhuman. And -that- ladies and gentlemen, should be enough to put anyone in a state of unease. No one (no one!) should have unlimited stores of patience and a ready smile for all occassions.

The reason why they got along so well (for a lack of a better term) was simply because they were stubborn enough not to give in to the temptation to actually do away with each other. Yes. You read that right. The fate of the world was saved not because these non-heroes wanted to save the world per say, rather, the four were just too damn stubborn to fail.

With the mission officially over and with nothing truly left to bind them, it is to no surprise that the famed Sanzo ikkou dispersed. Stubborness didn't keep four independent individuals together. All four went their separate ways to seek different fortunes in life. Oh, it isn't as if they settled -that- far away from each other. However, there was absolutely nothing to force them to meet up regularly. There was no reason thus, there was no need.

Talk about the Good Old Times?

These things got old after the first time. The novelty wears out all too quickly. Why do you need to recount all the instances of pain and even more pain? There were no fond memories of killing demons. Well, it might be the stuff that legends are made of later but at this moment the smell of burnt flesh and easily-spilled-blood still disturbingly lingers on.

The problem with him, Sanzo thinks about himself, is that he has never been anyone's equal. Since he was born and raised, he has always been more than a little different. Set apart, to be admired, feared and to some, hated. To be stamped and packaged as a Sanzo with the honorific -Sama gave him absolutely no chance of being able to integrate smoothly into society ever. Of course Sanzo being Sanzo, he wasn't even sure if he wanted to be part of this 'society'. He found himself automatically wrinkling his eyebrows in disgust. God, he really was an antisocial bastard. He liked being in the temple. Things were simple and everyone knew their place. More importantly, he knew his place. The problem was that he missed being someone's equal. No one around the temple could be called friend. In fact, the only time when he felt normal was --

Dammit. He missed it. The Journey. Sometimes, like now.

He swore to himself that if he had ever reminisced about the annoying jeep suffering days with the three idiots he would shoot himself. Then again, he was never a paragon of virtue and ideal so there was nothing wrong with him not keeping to his word. Sanzo took a deep, long drag of his cigarette as he contemplated how easy it is to forget. Some things you ought to remember more easily than most. But the more important you think something or some event is, the easier it is to forget. Or worse, to believe it was nothing but a dream.

Some subscribe to the belief that life is full of pain and angst and oh-so-much suffering. Sanzo cannot bring himself to solely believe in that yet he isn't sure that life is all about smiles and contentment either. Although being happy and being contented aren't exactly the same but Sanzo can't seem to bother thinking about it right now. In fact, it has been a really long time since he had bothered about anything.

He remembers nights when it was just the two of them, sitting close, talking about anything and everything. He remembers how over time, touching was no longer a source of discomfort or embarrassment. A pat on the leg, a stroke of the hair – these little playful intimate touches here and there became a norm. Or another time in another place (_a crowded restaurant, his mind whispers helpfully_) where he was spoon fed some dessert. Strangely, no one around seemed to care or take notice. Even if anyone did look, nothing would have stopped Sanzo returning the favour by feeding Hakkai a cherry with his hand.

These little snippets of memory, Sanzo treasures them like the tiny rays of happiness he allows himself to feel and mourn over. In the three years since, he replays the memories over and over again to the point that sometimes he wonders if they really happened at all. Are they real? Sanzo knows that memories are tricky creatures. Humans bend and alter them to fit our fancy. Unpleasant things are forgotten, tiny minute details blown out of proportion – such is the power of the human mind.

He hasn't seen and talked to Hakkai in ages. It is sad, really. At some point in time, they were more intimate then friends but now? Now they were as good as strangers. There was more to a relationship than the meeting of the bodies. It was also about chemistry, intimacy and the meeting of the minds. They had never had sex but they had everything else. But it has all come to naught it seems. The most frightening part of all this is that he is growing comfortable with Hakkai's non-presence. He can go for days without thinking about him. Sometimes if Sanzo was very frank with himself, it is entirely possible that he could forget that Hakkai even existed. (But every time he thinks this, he feels a certain pain in his heart.)

They don't and can't talk anymore. Sanzo has a temple to run and Hakkai has -things- to do. Things that are surely more important. Plus Sanzo has managed to convince himself that they can live without each other and surely (probably?) Hakkai feels the same way. Well, who can say for sure how Hakkai thinks and feels? They might have been close once but Sanzo admits that the only thing he knows for sure is that he does not know Hakkai at all. It has been three years since they last talked, since they last met face to face. Sanzo can live with it. Really.

But sometimes, out of the blue, thoughts would turn to Hakkai and those little rays of happy memories and Sanzo feels a jolt in his heart. He does not know why this happens. All he knows is it just does.

When this happens, Sanzo can't help but wonder, _is this what love is like?_

End.

_ For June, just because. _

_Author's note: This fic was specially written for the SanzoxHakkaiML's 83 day challenge. I hope everyone enjoyed it! If you liked it, please review it XD _


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